Crumbling Down

I know

Even though your leaving is sorrow

I accept gracefully

With a sincere heart

I know it hurts a lot

Makes cry and moan

But we can't choose life

Mom…

Your leaving is a burden on my soul

Losing you is really hard for me

Since you are gone

My world feels different

Not like before

Silence comes eating away

Every corner of the heart

Losing you is a pain

Huge wound for me

Big blow for me

So many memories with you

Your love for me is great

Now it's all gone

But it won't be lost in time

I save all about you

About your jokes, laughs and reprimands

About your advice and smile

Arrange neatly in my heart

Mom…

You are eternal there

Forever 

I will never forget

I will always keep you in my heart

My Joy

Mom...

I don't know why suddenly I want to write this letter to you today

By the way, how are you there mom?

I hope you are happy there, because that's what I always hope for in every prayer

Mom...

Actually I know

The prayer I ask for you is still too short

Compared to the prayers that you have asked to God for me

Suddenly I want to write this letter to you

Maybe there's only one reason

I miss you

After a few days you left me and I separated from you

I feel, I just know the true meaning of longing

Mom...

It's raining today

I feel like I really miss you

I was by the window

Staring at the thousands of raindrops that fall to the earth

Just like what we used to do

Mom always tucked me stories that even now I still remember

It's so simple

But it's also very valuable

Right now, I'm staring at this window hoping to see your smiling face

Mom...

It is great honor to be called your daughter

I miss you a lot 

And see you soon on top

It's Okay

Having been so broken, I'm no longer interested in loving anyone.  Maybe it's because my old wounds haven't fully healed or maybe it's because I'm still too timid to choose. In my life , many people have come to offer their hearts , but the door that I once opened is still tightly closed , the hands that were once so open to accept are still tightly gripping their past . Until finally you came , making me believe , with you I will find happiness again .  However , pain is not only once , heartbreak is sometimes repeated , after that I hope you are in my prayers , after I’m sure that you are in my amen , suddenly the universe says no , otherwise I have to be torn again by someone I believe can sew up my wounds , I have to be broken again by someone I think is capable of growing me , and I have to be broken again by someone I believe can heal me .  

Now....

I feel really numb , I feel completely blind to love , I feel like I have no heart anymore , I feel like I don't want to know anyone anymore .  Now , I 'm just someone who surrenders , whatever , somehow the universe is writing the story .  I no longer want to meet and expect anyone.  After my second heartbreak , my prayer is only one  Hopefully what comes after you is destiny for my life. Whatever will be , will be.

Dream

The noon is too bright. The night is too dark. We were sitting in a cold metal bench, in between an opened potato chips and a ticking clock. My swollen cheeks, your trembling feet, we screamed out loud in our silent, wishing the same things, for the night to never pass, for the sun to never rise.

Maybe those all only happened in our dream. But, shouldn't it be romantic to dreamt the same dream? to be left with the same aftertaste in the morning? we both overwhelmed by the same thought and couldn't release the knot. Still, I can't catch the premise.

I pretend to check my phone. You pretend to be in a chase of something. When will we meet each other?

It's common to wake up and feel disoriented. But it is strange that a dream can change one's feeling. I wake up, then I lost the memories of why I love you. I need to open my diary and read what I feel last night, last week, and last month and I’m still in love.

The morning is too cold. Maybe the butterfly in my guts already flew away, in a chase of another dream. Maybe the feeling slightly evaporated, it's changed, but left behind a residual liquid, an aftertaste.

Remember what I said about how one's subconscious works? I think it works today

Do I ever actually love you? How? When? 

Do you still need the answer?